Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
