yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
