help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
