I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
