community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
