all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
