I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
