shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
