last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
