I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
