Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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