i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my being single is dangerous.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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