I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
