I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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