guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
