TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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