what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
