dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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