Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
