Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
