hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
