he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
