I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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