dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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