You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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