took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
