oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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