i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
third nipple confirmed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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