Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
