East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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