no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
