Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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