Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
