remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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