overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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