Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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