benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know her cup size but not her name....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
