Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
