Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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