We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
