Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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