i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
