I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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