He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i can run in heels then i can drive
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
