Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and she was petting her beer can
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
