her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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