Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My life is pants optional.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
