this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
