I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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