Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
