I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
