so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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