it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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