do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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