i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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