Got a toothbrush?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
