I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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