Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The Olympian is in my bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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