My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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