This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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