what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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