I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
