I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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