these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
